Oct 172013

I wish I could show you my sorrow.I see my therapist every Wednesday. My first session with her was on September 4, 2013, so I have been seeing her for a little more than a month now. As I mentioned in an earlier post to work on some social anxiety issues which I believe I have been living with my entire life. Even though I went there to seek help of my own initiative, I find that I cannot express myself to her.

Driving to her office I go over in my head what I want to talk to her about during the session. My eyes start to water up with the sense of sadness that is coming over me. But when I go to her office and sit down, I find it difficult to opening up to her.

The first experience I had with therapy I didn’t talk either. I actually didn’t talk hardly at all. Sometimes I would go through the entire session without uttering a word at all. With my current therapist I’m able to talk, but not actually express my emotions to her.

I was reading the Psychology Today article “Five Tips on How to Talk About Yourself in Therapy” to gain some insight in how to express myself. I also read the article “How to Cry in Therapy“. After some reflection, I think the problem is that I’m afraid to cry in front of people, including my therapist.

I told my therapist about this and she is giving me some homework to do before meeting with her again on Wednesday. I need to write about something that I couldn’t say during session. It was something that she brought up, but I just couldn’t open up to her. Then I will be reading this to her during the next session. Just the thought of doing this is causing me some panic. I knew going into therapy that it would be hard.

  • Letting go of fear is hard. But she is there to help and not to judge you if you cry. She wants you to feel better but it’s kind of like a relationship. The only way she can help is if you put an effort too. Efforts on both sides. She seems nice as she gave you a hw to help you ease in and get out of your comfort zone. It’s scary to have to pass it but once you do you’ll feel a lot better. I didn’t have trouble speaking to my therapist but I never let myself cry in front of her for fear that she would think I’m doing worse than I was and also because I didn’t see her as a friend then. But one day after numerous sessions I just couldn’t help it and I cried it all out. She made me analyze my situation and I felt good after. It’s okay to shed some tears you don’t have to go through the pain alone <3

    • Thanks for the very thoughtful comment. I want to be able to cry in front of her for the same reason that you don’t want to cry in front of your therapist. I want her to see, hear and feel what is troubling me, but I just can’t make myself do it. I think I have a fear of her judging me, and also a fear of being emotionally exposed and vulnerable.

      • It’s understandable. I hope the sessions have been going better for you!

  • Deb

    I could never open up in counseling either. It was always just answering the questions asked or doing the shoulder shrug. I don’t want someone to sit there and feel sorry and pity for me, nor do I want someone who is hard and callous (I live with that person and call him husband). I never could find the perfect middle therapist. I hope you have. Good luck on your assignment!

    • I really want to open up with my therapist, but I just can’t do it. I’m like you. I’ll just answer questions or shake/nod my head.

  • It is so difficult, and painful letting things out. I didn’t even know I bottled up so much of my emotions, until I saw my therapist 🙂 I am certain though that it will really help set us free.

  • Hon, I always had a hard time sharing when I was in counseling. I would find myself editing myself, and I know that wasn’t what I should have been doing. I think it’s a good idea to write down the things that you just can’t say aloud. *hugs*

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