I see my therapist every Wednesday. My first session with her was on September 4, 2013, so I have been seeing her for a little more than a month now. As I mentioned in an earlier post to work on some social anxiety issues which I believe I have been living with my entire life. Even though I went there to seek help of my own initiative, I find that I cannot express myself to her.
Driving to her office I go over in my head what I want to talk to her about during the session. My eyes start to water up with the sense of sadness that is coming over me. But when I go to her office and sit down, I find it difficult to opening up to her.
The first experience I had with therapy I didn’t talk either. I actually didn’t talk hardly at all. Sometimes I would go through the entire session without uttering a word at all. With my current therapist I’m able to talk, but not actually express my emotions to her.
I was reading the Psychology Today article “Five Tips on How to Talk About Yourself in Therapy” to gain some insight in how to express myself. I also read the article “How to Cry in Therapy“. After some reflection, I think the problem is that I’m afraid to cry in front of people, including my therapist.
I told my therapist about this and she is giving me some homework to do before meeting with her again on Wednesday. I need to write about something that I couldn’t say during session. It was something that she brought up, but I just couldn’t open up to her. Then I will be reading this to her during the next session. Just the thought of doing this is causing me some panic. I knew going into therapy that it would be hard.