KATHERINE WALTER dot COM

A MidWestern transgender woman trying to survive in the real life.

Thinking of Getting Back Into Cycling

A woman cyclist taking a break.

Last month Paulina Cossio had a stream where she was showing some of the workout moves that she does. You can see the full video below. This stream really got me wanting to get back to working out. I use to workout frequently. It wasn’t too long ago before COVID hit us that I was going to Planet Fitness. I even had a trainer at one point of time. Getting back into it might be good for both my physical and mental health. What I use to love to do for physical activity that I haven’t done in a very long time was cycling.

I started picking up cycling seriously when I left the military. I found a used blue Ross Signature for sale. I think I paid $100 for it back in 1992 or 1993. I just changed out the seats and tuned it up myself. It worked just fine for general fitness. It wasn’t a good racing bike and was a little rough when I rode it for extended periods of times. Yet for the money that I spent on it, it was well worth it.

Yet, the bike is a bit out of date. I think if I want to get back into cycling I would want a new bike. I looked around at different cycling websites for a good inexpensive bike. I stumbled on the Eurobike XC550 on Amazon. It got some pretty decent reviews on Amazon and other sites. At $380 it is not going to be a racing bike at all, but it looked good for general exercise.

I couldn’t find my old bike rack, so I would have to get one of those if I wanted to travel somewhere to go cycling. I found this on Amazon. It is better than the one I use to have. I also don’t think I would have to use it right away.

Of course, I’ll need some clothing. I most have thrown out the cycling clothes I had when I purged a lot of my clothes years ago. I picked out some items that I would like to get, but I’m still looking around for good clothing at a reasonable price.

I also would like to get some accessories. I like to have a computer to keep track of my speed and distance. I found a wireless one manufactured by Cat Eye on Amazon. My old one was wired, it’d be nice to have one that is wired. I also want to get a mount on my bike for my iPhone. It would be good to use Google Maps to see where I am going. I found a mount by Roam on Amazon. It was very inexpensive.

I haven’t purchased anything yet, but I think the first thing I would purchase would be the bike itself. With my limited income I probably won’t have the funds to get it until next summer. I might even not be as hyped about cycling come a year from now.

There are a number of great trails to ride in Illinois. There is one trail that is about a mile or two from me that I could get on that connects to all of the trails in Illinois. When I lived with my parents in my early twenties, I once rode from their house to Lake Michigan and back. They live west of me and there isn’t a trail in their proximity. I had to take some back roads to get on one of the trails. It’d be nice to try to do that again. I just wonder if my old body can manage to do it, even after I trained myself.

Fifteen Years of The Lord of the Rings Online

Fifteen years from today I began my adventures in the massively multiplayer online role-playing game (MMORPG) The Lord of the Rings Online (LOTRO)

I was looking for a new MMORPG to replace Final Fantasy XI. I wanted to take a break from the game and perhaps move on to a different title. I went to GameStop looking for something. I noticed a single copy of a collector’s edition of The Lord of the Rings Online: Shadows of Angmar sitting on the shelf. I keep up to date on video game releases, but I have never heard of this title. I was also a fan of JRR Tolkien’s legendarium. Needless to say, I was surprised and pleased that I discovered the game. Little did I know that on that Wednesday on July 25, 2007 that I would begin a video game addiction that will last fifteen years. This would be longer than Final Fantasy XI, which I spent just under four years playing.

The first thing I did before I even installed the game on my computer was to look for a server to join. I always join a lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) guild (called kinships in LOTRO) so I was trying to find if someone created one for LOTRO and which server they are on. I find a kinship called Knights of the White Lady on the Landroval server. I joined that server and created a human captain. I picked a captain because it appeared to be similar to the paladin that I have been playing on Final Fantasy XI. Yet, when I went to the introduction area I saw a lore-master with a bear companion. I had a herald companion as a captain, but it didn’t seem as cool as having an animal companion. I deleted the character and created a new one, a lore-master named Pinkfae Neilikka (you have to purchase a surname from a notary non-player character when you reach level fifteen). Once I got out of the introduction area I was able to join a kinship. I applied to become a member of Knights of the White Lady. I was accepted to join the kinship shortly after I applied. The kinship is still going strong with many active members. Perhaps not as many as when the game was younger, but there are always a couple of members logged on at any given time. Also if you are an ally and not part of the LGBT spectrum, you are still welcome to be a member.

Evendim from High King’s Crossing

I hit level cap, which was level 50 at the time, after about a month of playing the game. It was at this time that I bought a lifetime subscription to the game. I believe I paid $299 for it at the time. I think it was perhaps the best money I ever spent. You can’t purchase a lifetime subscription any longer. I think they discontinued it in 2009. Currently you can subscribe to LOTRO at $15 per month or $100 a year. You don’t have to subscribe to play the game. In fact you don’t have to spend a dime on the game at all. You can play until level 95 with all content being open for you with some of the newer content not being available. After level 95 you can grind out LOTRO point farming (the real life currency to purchase in game items and content) by doing the deeds in game. Yet, there are some perks for being a subscriber. If you are interested in knowing the difference between the different account types there is an article on lotro-wiki that explains it very well.

Like I said, I was at end game and wanted to do some end game content. I patiently waited for other members to get to end game with me. Eventually we were doing some raiding. Yet, it was very sparingly. Others in the kinship that were interested in end game content grew restless and left for other kinships. I was one of them. I moved by character to my current kinship The Palantiri. We were running raids on a weekly basis. I also started to get active in the player-versus-monster-player (PvMP) on the server as well. I’m not a very big alt-player at all. (Someone that plays multiple different characters). I did start a healer class character since Knights of the White Lady was in bad need of healers. I also created a handful just as mules (characters that you only use to store your in-game items). Yet, for the most part I like to just play one character and try to do everything that I am able to do on that one character. Trust me, there is a lot that you can do. Even after fifteen years I haven’t done everything that I can do and achieve.

My lore-master on a warhorse in Lebennin.

About the time that Lord of the Rings Online: Mordor came out in July 2017, I took a break from the game. I haven taken a number of breaks lasting from a few weeks to a few months, but this time I spent nearly two years away from the game. There were perhaps three or four people from my kinship that regularly logged on the game to play. I also found the landscape mobs to be tougher to take down. I thought it was because I was starting to get worse at playing the game and chalked it up to old age. It wasn’t until I came back to the game that I realized I probably was due to a lack of Light of Eärendil to counteract the effects of the Shadow of Mordor.

I don’t recall the precisely when I eventually came back to playing the game. It might have been late 2019 or early 2020. Whatever the date, ever since then I have been logging on daily with perhaps a day or two missed here and there. I really have changed the goals for playing the game. Like I said, I liked the end game aspect of the game. Trying to form fellowships or raids (six or twelve man groups) to try to conquer/solve a dungeon (or instance as they all them in LOTRO) isn’t my main objective any longer. Instead, I’m just trying to get the best gear that I’m able to obtain without raiding (I still think the best gear you can obtain is through raiding) which usually entails doing daily repeatable quests or even finding a pick up group (PUG) to obtain some Embers of Enchantment that can be used to exchange for powerful items. I have always loved doing the epic quests (the main story line). It is like reading fan-fiction based on the books. Yet, I haven’t been doing that with side quests. In fact, I skip a lot of content that over level. I have been thinking of going back and trying to complete some of them. I have always found myself just exploring around and discovering graphic details that I missed speed running in the game.

My character by the swan fountain outside her home at 4 Fairwood Lane, Falathlorn Homesteads, Car-E-Hidh, Landroval server. Wearing Lórien Fancy Robe, Padded Pristine Shoulder Guards, Lieutenant’s Cloak and Circlet of Lórien.

Perhaps the person that really brought me back to playing LOTRO more regularly was TheeGreenEyedGamer on Twitch. I have been getting into Twitch very regularly since I lost my job and when COVID hit. I got into the live streaming service years ago, but I started watching it for hours on end just a number of years ago. I found her when I was looking for LOTRO streamers earlier last year. She does a weekly LOTRO point grinding session with her viewers. I decided to join in her adventures. I got to know her fairly well. Just a couple of months ago I decided to transfer one of the Valar Level Boost – level 120 that I obtained for free from Standing Stone Games for being a VIP during the 15th Anniversary celebration. I used it on my lore-master on the Arkenstone server that many Twitch streamers play on. I power leveled her to level 130 and got her stats up as best as I could. I don’t regularly play with that character. I usually hop on it to play with friends I made through Twitch.

I’m so excited to see what happens to the game in the next fifteen years. I’m sure that I will still be part of the game when the 30th anniversary is celebrated.

I want to leave you with a fan created video. About ten years ago when The Lord of the Rings Online was developed by Turbine they held a Biggest Fan Contest. People would make a short video saying why they love the game. Below is what I think should have won the contest. Enjoy! I’ll see you around Middle-earth.

Viewing Paulina Cossio on Twitch

Paulina Cossio

I like to play Marbles on Stream from time to time when I’m on Twitch. On May 9, 2020 I was looking around for streamers to play the game with. One of the streamers that I happened to discover that day was a young lady with the username PauCossio. When you select a player’s marble to follow them on the track you can take a look at their profile. Along with various game stats such as total points, number of races, and so on you’re able to see their Twitch avatar. At the time my avatar was just a picture of myself. Pau saw the picture, complimented it and speculated that I was an actress. She won me over with her sweet flattery I immediately gave her a follow and stuck around until the end of the stream.

I’ve been watching her religiously every since then. She has been playing Marbles on Stream to start her streams and then plays Jackbox Games and some web-based games. She’s very much a community player. All of her games are games that the viewers can play along with her. She might not be amazing gamer, but she does has an amazing personality. She is very quick to laugh and she is an actress to boot. She is a partner with Streamloots, which a marketplace to buy real-time interactions with live streamers in the form of virtual cards. She has some cards you can obtain and play where she will do accents. I wish she had more cards where I can watch her perform her art. The majority of the cards are animated gifs of her dancing.

I’m known in her community (which she calls the PauFam) as the person that loves to ask her sexual questions. I never expect an answer to my questions. It is fun just to see her reaction to them. Yet, she has recently been getting more annoyed by them rather then shocked, so I refrain from doing that any longer. She is a lover of dad jokes. Telling her one will always get a groan or a laugh from her. If you get a chance, go on her Twitch channel and check her out. Tell her that PinkKatie sent you!

Sexuality and Live Jasmin

I’ve never been very secretive about my sexuality and sexual orientation. I use to be part of round table discussions about my sexuality and sexual orientation when I was part of Prism at Northern Illinois University a long time ago. This was all before I started to transition. Back then I called myself bisexual, I had feelings for both men and women. Then I just used the term homosexual since I had a strong preference for men. Then I used the phrase homofelezible, which seemed to fit me the best. I’m bisexual with more of an attraction towards men. After I began to realize that I am a woman and not a man, I started to call myself heteroflexible since I’m a woman attracted towards men. I usually just tell people I’m heterosexual because it is easier for people to understand over bisexual. It always seems like my heterosexual friends think I’m gay and my homosexual friends to think I’m straight. Of course since I transitioned it is the other way around. If I would be honest with myself and with others I would have to say I’m bisexual, with a two on the Kinsey scale.

I never wanted to be in a relationship before. I guess because I’ve always known that I am a woman and I didn’t want to have to reveal this to a partner. I think it is always best to be truth with your romantic partners. When I wanted to be sexually active with someone most of the time I went to Steamworks. After I transitioned I stopped going there and went to the TgirlNightCLUB. I have only been there a few times and not any longer thanks to COVID-19. I use to be one of the few, if not the only, transsexual there. The men use to swarm around me when I went there.

I have been going to Live Jasmin to chat with some of the ladies on there. I usually don’t ask for them to do anything sexual since non-contact sexuality doesn’t do anything to me. Even watching porn doesn’t do anything for me like it use to before I transitioned. I especially like to talk to Diana Dagorall and Alis Evanss. Like I said, I just mainly chat with them. It can be an expensive habit if you don’t watch yourself. It ate through my back pay that I got. Although paying off my trustee also took a lot of that money. The site isn’t too bad towards their members. About every fifteen hours or so you can spin a wheel and possibly get up to 100% more credits for the tier you are buying at. I never did land on 100% but I once did get a 90%. Most of the time it lands somewhere between 45% to 55%. I think it has a terrible pay out system for the ones providing the services. They only make 30% to 60% of what they are charging. The rest goes to Live Jasmin. I personally would like to see the models get a larger cut than what they are giving them. They do take a little cut from the member side as well, but it is nowhere near as bad as what they do to the models.

I like to go into VIP shows. This is where the model will do a little show for five or six minutes with a charge to each member (usually about two credits) to reach a goal to start the show. I like them because I just love to watch what the guys have to say during the show. They say the usual stuff you would think they would say. Even in the public chat room the guys can be kind of creepy. I usually like to tell the model that I’m a cisgender woman. I just want to be thought of a woman and not just a transgender. Yet, there have been a few that I have told that I’m a transgender woman. I never had any problems. I guess they’re not going to turn away a paying member.

I think Live Jasmin is worth a shot to look at. If you want to be a model I’m not so sure, since I don’t see that side of things. Models can see more information about their side of the camera here. Like I said, I don’t get anything sexual out of it since I’m more attracted to guys. They do have a gay guy side to the site, along with a section for transgender women. Being a webcam girl wouldn’t be the life for me. For one thing I have gender dysphoria and don’t like how my body looks. I would do it if the money was better and worth my time. There are many beautiful ladies on the site. Which only causes my gender dysphoria to be greater, but it is nice when they say I’m good looking. Most of the time I don’t believe them and are just saying that to be nice.

Living Through the Coronavirus

A lot of shit has been happening since the last time I posted on here. First off, happy Mothers’ Day to all the mothers out there. I sent my mother a gift card to Amazon. It was done digitally, but she hasn’t picked it up yet. They have limited access to the internet. She’ll get it sooner or later.

March 17th marked my fiftieth birthday. This milestone still blows my mind. Frankly, I never expected to live this long. Yet, now that I’m at that age, it doesn’t seem like I’m as old as I thought I was going to be.

February marked the sixth year that I went on HRT. I still have no regrets about it. If  I had to say one thing about it, I wish I started sooner in my life. Yet, I know that if I came out when I was fifteen that my parents’ wouldn’t understand or support me. At least, that is what I thought at that point in my life. Then when I was out on my own, I didn’t want to do it because I thought that I would never be able to find a job. Actually, that still haunts me since I lost my job with the Federal Government.

Anyway, I’m getting off track. The elephant in the room is the coronavirus going around. I think it is crazy. I never thought that I’d live to see a pandemic such as this one. I’ve been in quarantine for about a week after my birthday. I have been out to get my car fixed, but for the most part I haven’t been out at all.  Thanks to my agoraphobia it hasn’t been affecting my mental health at all. Of course, it isn’t helping matters either. I’ve been seeing my therapist virtually. It is cam-to-cam so we can see each other.

The Trump administration isn’t helping us out either. He said some pretty dumb stuff early on and currently. First he thought it was a hoax made up by the Democratic Party. Then he said we are nearly zero. Then it was a good job if it just killed off two hundred thousand people. Not too long ago he thought it made no sense to test for the virus since one day you can have it and then the next day you do have it. Don’t even get me started on him saying that injecting or digesting disinfectants can cure you of the virus. I wish he would just step down and let the scientists take over.

Joe Biden wasn’t my first pick for the front runner for the Democratic Party’s bid for the Presidency. I was behind Kamala Harris before she dropped out. She’s done a lot for the LGBT community during her time as Attorney General of California. Sure there was that one time she ruled in favor of transgender women inmates being in men’s facilities, but I think she answered the question well when she was at the HRC debates. I do think she wasn’t the most liberal candidate on the ticket. I think she just sways with the times. Many politicians included Obama were more centralist in their viewpoints. Yet, I am backing Joe Biden for 2020.

Retirement Came Through

My retirement payment came through last week along with about eleven months worth of back pay. It is nice not to have to worry about money any longer. My regular retirement should be kicking in for the first of each month.

I’m going to be using some of it to resurrect my Pink Fae Gaming site. I couldn’t get my old url so I got a different one pinkfae.org. I’m going to hire a lawyer this time to try to make it into a non-profit once I get the old website migrated to the new website. It is taking a lot more work than I anticipated, so it is coming along very slowly.

I also donated some money to Tazkabaz so that she can get a new computer and maybe start streaming again. She already ordered her new PC and it should be coming in the mail for her sometime this week. I’m excited for her. It is almost like I bought a PC for myself.

Best of Clips for Tazkabaz

Tazkabaz made a best of clips from her Twitch videos that she shared with everyone today. She is currently on hiatus with no idea if and when she is coming back. She posted on Discord about her future with Twitch.

It is with a heavy heart that I say that Aaron and I have broken up. There will be no more streams for the foreseeable future and I will no longer be able to play sims or on the minecraft server so will stop payments before the server renews this month. Thank you all for your kindness and generosity over my time on Twitch. I ask that you please respect both of our privacy at this time.

Tazkabaz, Wednesday February 5, 2020

It has been an honor to be her moderator for the past year or so. We had a lot of fun together. The community of regular viewers were always a joy to chat and be with. I’m hopeful she will come back sometime in the future. Yet, if not, I won’t forget the joy that she gave me in my life when I was feeling down. Best of luck, Tazkabaz, where ever life might take you.

Unexpected Money

I received a deposit into my account from the Federal Government. It appears that it was from my TSP (Thrift Savings Plan, similar to a 401k). I’m not sure exactly what it was for, but I’m not going to complain about it. It is enough to cover for two months of expenses, but not enough to pay back my parents.

I also got some information about the processing of my retirement in the mail. They had me sign a form I forgot to sign. Although, they did inform me about this about a month ago. I completed and sent it in then. I’m hoping they get it this time. I usually send mail to them certified, but I didn’t have money for it at the time.

I also got news that the premiums on my health insurance that I have been pay for the past year now will be reimbursed. That’s some good news. Especially since I need the health insurance for my medical condition.

I’m one to always hand out to those in need when I’m doing well off. Helping others is part of the reason why I got into working with SNAP (Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program). It is good to know that the karma that I have been building up is finally coming back to me in my time of need.

Here’s hoping that my retirement income kicks in before this money is also depleted.

Stuck in Financial Hell, Please Help

I’m really stuck in a bad place in a bad place right now. I already received money from my parents and they can’t help me out any longer. I couldn’t get any money out of my 401k and I couldn’t get a personal loan. I need $6000-$9000 to cover expenses (mortgage, insurance premiums, food, utilities) until my disability retirement kicks in three months from now. Anything you can give would be greatly appreciated, even a retweet or a share. You can find my paypal here.

Joining Starbase 118

Many moons ago I was part of a Star Trek play-by email (PBEM) game called UFOP: Starbase 118. If I recall I was playing a Human from the Philippines. I left it because of personal reasons. I forgot about it over time. I rediscovered it after reading a forum post about PBEM over on Board Game Geek. I thought it would be fun to play it again. Especially since I had a lot of time on my hands.

This time I made a unjoined Trill named Tara Wilkins. I have a bit of her history in my head. Right now I’m in training. I’ll get access to their wiki once I complete training and become an ensign. I’m hoping training goes smoothly and that I get my character assigned to a ship. I think the game will also hone my reading and writing skills a bit more.

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