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My Four Years Beneath the Sea

My four years in the United States Navy, from 1988 to 1992, remain one of the most formative periods of my life. I served aboard the USS Minneapolis-Saint Paul (SSN-708), a Los Angeles-class fast attack submarine, during a time that included Operation Desert Storm. Looking back nearly four decades later, I realize that the Navy gave me far more than military experience. It taught me lessons about responsibility, teamwork, discipline, and resilience that have shaped every chapter of my life since.

When most people think about military service, they picture dramatic moments or action-packed missions. While those moments certainly exist, life aboard a submarine is defined much more by routine, preparation, and trust. Living and working in a steel tube hundreds of feet beneath the ocean’s surface is unlike almost any other experience. There are no windows, no fresh air, and no opportunity to simply walk away from a difficult situation. Every sailor depends on everyone else to do their job correctly because the safety of the crew depends on it. In that environment, accountability isn’t just encouraged—it is essential.

One of the greatest lessons I learned was the true meaning of teamwork. The word is used so often that it can lose its meaning, but on a submarine, teamwork is not a motivational slogan. Every member of the crew has specialized knowledge and responsibilities, and while you may not fully understand another sailor’s technical expertise, you trust them completely to perform their duties. In return, they trust you to do the same. That level of mutual dependence creates a bond that is difficult to describe unless you’ve experienced it yourself.

The Navy also taught me the value of discipline. Many people think discipline is simply about following orders, but I came to understand it as developing habits that allow you to perform under pressure. Procedures exist because someone learned a lesson the hard way, and following them protects both individuals and the mission. That mindset stayed with me long after I left the service. Whether I was working as a Senior SNAP Program Specialist with the U.S. Department of Agriculture, pursuing my master’s degree in anthropology, writing books, or building creative projects, I found that success depends far more on consistent effort than occasional inspiration.

Another lesson that stayed with me was the importance of lifelong learning. The Navy expects its sailors to constantly expand their knowledge, qualify on equipment, and master increasingly complex systems. That expectation fostered a curiosity that never disappeared. Even today, I enjoy researching history, anthropology, religion, game design, education, and countless other subjects. The willingness to keep learning has opened doors throughout my life that I never anticipated when I first enlisted.

Perhaps the lesson I appreciate most today is what I learned about leadership. The best leaders I served with were not the loudest people in the room. They listened carefully, accepted responsibility, shared their knowledge, and earned the respect of those around them through their actions rather than their rank. Watching those individuals taught me that leadership is fundamentally about serving others and helping them succeed.

When I left the Navy in 1992, I thought my military service was simply one chapter of my past. Over time, I’ve come to realize it became part of the foundation for everything that followed. Life has taken me down paths I never could have imagined. I’ve built a civilian career, earned an advanced degree, become an author, and embraced life as a transgender woman. Those experiences did not replace what I learned in the Navy—they built upon it. The confidence, discipline, and resilience I developed aboard the USS Minneapolis-Saint Paul helped me navigate challenges that had nothing to do with submarines.

I don’t define myself solely by my military service, but I will always be proud of it. Serving aboard a fast attack submarine during a pivotal moment in history taught me lessons that have remained with me for more than thirty years. The Navy showed me that trust is earned, discipline creates opportunity, learning never truly ends, and the strongest people are often those who quietly do their jobs well every single day. Those are lessons that continue to guide me, and I expect they always will.

Identity, Biology, and the End of “MTF”

Language has always felt personal to me, especially when it comes to how I describe my own life. Words like “transgender woman,” “transgender female,” and “MTF” are often treated as interchangeable, but they do not feel interchangeable from the inside. Each one carries a slightly different emphasis, and over time I have become more intentional about which I use and why.

I call myself a transgender woman because that is the role I occupy in society. It reflects how I move through the world, how I am perceived, and how I understand my place in social space. The word woman matters to me. It names my gender, not my medical history. “Transgender” simply describes the path I took to live authentically. When I say I am a transgender woman, I am asserting that I am a woman—fully—and that my past does not disqualify me from that category.

At the same time, I recognize that “transgender female” can be an accurate description of my embodied reality. I rarely use it, because it sounds clinical. It feels like language pulled from a medical chart rather than from lived experience. Still, accuracy matters to me. My hormone levels are typical of a cisgender female. I do not produce testosterone. I no longer have testicles. While I do not have a vagina, my endocrine profile and much of my physiology align with female norms. In a biological sense, something real and measurable has shifted. My transition was not only social; it was physiological.

That is why I no longer relate to the term “MTF,” or male-to-female. It suggests movement. It suggests that I am in transit, or that I carry maleness forward into the present as an active descriptor. I do not experience myself that way. “Male” was an assignment imposed on me at birth, not an identity I inhabited in any meaningful sense. My transition is not an ongoing crossing from one category into another. It was a process with a direction, yes—but it is not my current state of being. I do not feel like I am male-to-female. I feel like I am female, and socially, a woman.

For me, the distinction between gender and sex is not abstract. “Woman” describes my gender role, my social identity, and my place in cultural structures. “Female” describes aspects of my body as it exists now, after years of medical transition. I rarely lead with the latter because I do not want to reduce myself to anatomy or hormone panels. I am not a medical case study. I am a person. Still, I will not deny that my biology has changed in profound ways. To pretend otherwise would feel dishonest.

What matters most is that I am not in a perpetual state of becoming. I am not suspended between categories. I have lived in this body, in this identity, for years. My transition feels complete to me. The language I choose reflects that sense of arrival.

So I call myself a transgender woman because it captures my lived reality in society. I acknowledge that “transgender female” can describe my physiology, even if I rarely use it in everyday conversation. And I leave “MTF” in the past, where it belongs—as a description of a journey that has already reached its destination.

OPM Ends Gender-Affirming Care in 2026

The recent announcement from the Office of Personnel Management (OPM) that gender-affirming health care will be excluded from the Federal Employees Health Benefits (FEHB) and Postal Service Health Benefits (PSHB) programs beginning in 2026 represents a profound step backward in civil rights and health equity. Under this directive, chemical and surgical interventions for gender transition will no longer be covered, though counseling for gender dysphoria must remain available. Insurance carriers are required to develop exceptions processes for individuals currently undergoing such care, yet the parameters of those processes remain undefined. Providers of gender-affirming care are also barred from being listed in plan directories, effectively discouraging access (Office of Personnel Management, 2025; Moss, 2025).

To understand the gravity of this reversal, it is necessary to recall how hard-fought the gains for transgender health care under FEHB were. In 2014, OPM lifted the longstanding blanket exclusion of gender-affirming procedures, and by 2016 carriers were instructed not to categorically deny such care. This change aligned federal benefits with emerging medical consensus that gender-affirming treatments are not elective but medically necessary. The World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH) and the Endocrine Society have long affirmed that access to hormone therapy and surgeries significantly reduces psychological distress, improves quality of life, and prevents serious health complications (Hembree et al., 2017; Coleman et al., 2022). For nearly a decade, transgender federal employees and retirees could rely on this coverage as a matter of equity and recognition of their humanity.

As a transgender woman who has been receiving gender-affirming health care for more than eleven years, this policy shift strikes me not just as a bureaucratic adjustment but as a direct threat to my life and well-being. Having undergone an orchiectomy, I rely on estradiol not simply as an affirming treatment, but as essential hormone replacement. Without it, my bones, cardiovascular health, cognition, and emotional stability would be at severe risk. Estradiol for me is no different than thyroid medication for someone with hypothyroidism—it is medically necessary, lifelong care. To see it lumped under a politically charged category of “optional” transition services is both scientifically inaccurate and deeply insulting.

What unsettles me most is the uncertainty this policy creates. OPM’s promise of an “exceptions process” offers little clarity. Will it protect those of us with medical histories spanning over a decade of consistent care? Or will it force us into endless appeals and denials, treating every prescription refill as a battle? This ambiguity is destabilizing, and I cannot help but feel that it is intentional—designed to make care harder to access and to discourage providers from stepping forward.

As a federal retiree, I gave years of service under the assumption that the benefits I earned would protect me equitably. Now, I feel as though my identity has made me a target within the very system I trusted. The estimated 14,000 transgender federal employees and retirees who will be affected are not faceless statistics; we are people who dedicated our careers to serving this country, only to be told that our health care needs are unworthy of recognition (Lambda Legal, 2025; them.us, 2025). The exclusion also signals a dangerous precedent: that essential medical care can be stripped away not because of evidence or cost, but because of politics.

This change must be understood in its broader social context. Over the past decade, transgender Americans have seen both progress and backlash. The Affordable Care Act’s Section 1557 extended nondiscrimination protections in health care, and the Supreme Court’s ruling in Bostock v. Clayton County (2020) affirmed that gender identity is protected under Title VII. Yet, simultaneously, states across the country have passed laws restricting access to gender-affirming care, particularly for youth, framing these measures as cultural wedge issues. The OPM directive extends that wave of exclusion into the federal system, embedding discrimination into the nation’s largest employer-based insurance program.

For me personally, this is not an abstract policy debate. It is about whether I will be able to continue accessing the medication that keeps me healthy and alive. It is about whether the years of progress we celebrated were only temporary reprieves. And it is about what message this sends to younger transgender people entering federal service today: that their health and dignity can be used as bargaining chips in political battles.

I cannot help but feel anxious about what the future holds, but I also feel resolved. This rollback will not go unchallenged. Advocacy groups such as Lambda Legal, the National Center for Transgender Equality, and others have already condemned it as unlawful and are preparing legal strategies (Lambda Legal, 2025). As a transgender woman and a retiree, I plan to add my voice to that chorus, because silence is what allows discrimination to endure. We have fought too hard, and for too long, to let the ground be taken out from under us without resistance.

References

Coleman, E., Radix, A. E., Bouman, W. P., Brown, G. R., de Vries, A. L. C., Deutsch, M. B., … Winter, S. (2022). Standards of Care for the Health of Transgender and Gender Diverse People, Version 8. International Journal of Transgender Health, 23(sup1), S1–S259. https://doi.org/10.1080/26895269.2022.2100644

Hembree, W. C., Cohen-Kettenis, P. T., Gooren, L., Hannema, S. E., Meyer, W. J., Murad, M. H., … T’Sjoen, G. G. (2017). Endocrine Treatment of Gender-Dysphoric/Gender-Incongruent Persons: An Endocrine Society Clinical Practice Guideline. The Journal of Clinical Endocrinology & Metabolism, 102(11), 3869–3903. https://doi.org/10.1210/jc.2017-01658

Lambda Legal. (2025, August 19). Lambda Legal condemns Trump administration’s illegal exclusion of gender-affirming care from employee health benefits. Retrieved August 22, 2025, from https://lambdalegal.org/newsroom

Moss, K. (2025, August 20). Coverage for gender-affirming care will be eliminated from FEHB plans in 2026. Government Executive. Retrieved August 22, 2025, from https://www.govexec.com

Office of Personnel Management. (2025). Carrier Letter 2025-01b: Chemical and surgical sex-trait modification exclusion. Retrieved August 22, 2025, from https://opm.gov

them.us. (2025, August 20). Trump Admin to end coverage of gender-affirming care for federal workers. them. Retrieved August 22, 2025, from https://www.them

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